I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
