We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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