omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
