I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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