Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
