Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
