I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
