I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
