Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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