I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
