Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
