i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize