Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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