It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
