NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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