having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
