we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
