you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
