My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The air was thick with penises
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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