I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize