hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
