did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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