it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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