Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
