i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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