I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
