Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
