So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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