"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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