I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
