There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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