ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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