alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
