sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
