So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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