jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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