"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
