is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
