Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
