I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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