Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
