Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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