Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
