she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
