So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this boner is exhausting
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
