I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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