For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
