you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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