I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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