Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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