I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
