yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize