I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
