my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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