Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
