his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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