dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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