I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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