ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
