cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
