the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
