I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she peed on how many people?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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