i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
