She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
