the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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