Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I want to make a zoo with you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
