I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize