can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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