Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
