He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
