A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
