You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
