So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
