At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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