U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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