I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
