Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
