The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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