He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
