PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this just has baby written all over it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
