There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
