WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
