I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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