The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
