Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
