I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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