When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
