Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
