I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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