There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
