First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
