I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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