my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize