Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
