My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
