When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
