Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
