For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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