EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
