honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
