I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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