I cockslap morals
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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