Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
