dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
