you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
