Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
