Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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