He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They took my balls.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
