I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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