Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
