Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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